Fighting or denying liver cancer -- or accepting liver cancer?

It's been almost four year since I first discovered I have liver cancer. I joined an online group for people living with liver cancer so I've got to "meet" quite a lot of people like me, living with long term liver cancer.

Several attitudes seem to emerge from the many different situations people are in. I want to stress that what follows has nothing at all to do with whether people continue to have and seek treatment for their cancer or what type of treatment that is. This is not about what you do, so much as about how you feel.

Here I am speaking about the longer term attitudes to living with liver cancer, not the understandable shock and disorientation we all feel when we find out we have cancer.  Some are even angry about their diagnosis - why me?  Why not you. For the most, this are relatively short term reactions. 

No, I want to discuss the longer term attitudes we develop and carry - invisibly to each of us, but not to others.

There are those who believe they must fight liver cancer, chase up several confirming diagnoses, every possible treatment, never give up, urge others to be positive that they will beat this disease. I call them warriors.

There are also those who accept that they have liver cancer. They are not necessarily passive or fatalistic about it. They believe that everyone dies of something and they are likely - some day - to die of it. Unless they die of something else instead. We don't get out of this world alive. Those who accept their diagnosis are informed about it - they are not afraid to search for information about their condition and treatments.  They don't shy away from investigating it or speaking about it. They will do what they can, what their health care team advise, to live as well as possible. Until such time as available treatments stop working. Then they'll seek palliative care to remain comfortable and in charge of their own lives as far as possible.

There are also those who seem to avoid all mention of it. They are unlikely to join support groups because they don't want to hear anything about it. They virtually deny that they have liver cancer. Their families have a pretty hard time.

I started wondering whether some of these longer term responses to liver cancer might relate to the well-known "fight or flight" response, a universal reaction to threat. The warrior stays and fights with all of their might this (internal) threat to survival.

The denier flees mentally from the scene. I don't have cancer. It's not going to kill me. Let's speak about something else. Look, is that a plane in the sky?

But how does the person who accepts their situation fit into this scheme? They may resent the language of war being used about their well-being. Acceptors often come from a sound information base. They don't shy away from finding out the survival statistics. They want to be ready when the time comes, but still hope it won't come for a while yet. They are not fighters nor are they fleeing. 

As you may have guessed I see myself as an informed acceptor. It seems a realistic way to deal with the facct of having liver cancer. I hope no one ever writes about me, "She lost her battle against liver cancer". I'm not fighting a battle. Some of the cells of my body might be, but I, a conscious sentient being, with a soul, I am not fighting. I am just trying to live a good life. In peace with my soul and my community of souls.

May we all find peace